I saw this over on Digg.com and thought it was funny so I figured I’d post it here too. The original post is here.
COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS
- Word processors never display a cursor.
- You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
- Movie character never make typing mistakes.
- All monitors display inch-high letters.
- High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such
governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical
interfaces.- Those that don’t, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells
that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain
english.- Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply
typing “ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES” on any keyboard- Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply
typing “UPLOAD VIRUS” (see “Fortress”)- All computers are connected. You can access the information on the
villain’s desktop computer, even if it’s turned off.- Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen
changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that
it doesn’t go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also
emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.- All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just
underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a
puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you
backwards.- People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving
the data.- A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before
intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.- Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see “Demolition Man”
and countless others).- Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be
accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to
transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.- When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control
panels will explode, as will the entire building.- If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it
also disappears from the screen (e.g Clear and Present Danger).- If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automagically asked for a
password when you try to access it.- No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any
system you put it into. All application software is usable by all
computer platforms.- The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens).
However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons
aren’t labelled.- Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.- Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time
video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.- Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it
projects itself onto his/her face (see “Alien”, “2001″).